Argot Navis

You know those commercials that you suddenly just become fascinated with? For some, it's IDK my BFF Jill. For the old-school folks, it might be Where's the Beef? For me, it's a special ad that comes on once before Jeopardy! and once after. In fact, I think those are the only times it comes on. Ever. On any channel.

Yes, you guessed it. Mama Lucia. There's really a lot to it, for a 10-second long commercial for frozen meatballs. First, I have to believe that they're probably right; Mama Lucia meatballs probably do have a taste that's really great. Of course, I've never actually tried them. It's not that I don't like frozen meatballs. Actually, I think I probably eat more frozen meatballs than the average person. My loyalties, however, lie with “Our Best” Frozen Italian Style Meatballs, which may or may not be a Shaw's store brand. That doesn't stop me from singing the Mama Lucia jingle every time I eat them, though.

Second thing: America's favorite? How did they determine this? Actually, let me take a step back. Is being America's favorite frozen meatball even that much of an accomplishment? I'm sure being named America's Favorite Frozen Meatball is quite an honor, but really, how much competition could there possibly be? And, on top of that, how is it that they're America's favorite meatball, yet I hadn't ever heard of them before seeing this ad?

And the third (yes, I'm going out of order here). Who's that old lady at the end? Is she Mama Lucia? A quick Google image search revealed pretty much nothing, so I have to believe that she is, in fact, the Mama Lucia. I think that's probably a good thing. At first, she seems kind of creepy. But look closer. Doesn't it seem like she's saying, “Oh, hi. I didn't hear you come in. Why don't you have some meatballs? I made them fresh, then froze them and reheated them. I know how much you like them. . . America.” Yeah, it does seem like that.

Fourth, I did some research, because I'm dedicated like that, and have found that, somewhat confusingly, Mama Lucia Meatballs are a product of the Quaker Maid Meats company. Yes, when I think of good Italian food, the Quakers generally come to mind first. Here's a sampler of some of their other frozen meats. Delicious. I have to be honest. The meatballs in that picture actually look pretty disgusting. Maybe that's why you're supposed to cover them in sauce. Either way, the picture there doesn't look like something I'd want to put on my roll or plate.

Finally, why is it that this commercial only airs before and after Jeopardy? Obviously, I've made my assumptions. Perhaps the people at the Quaker Maid Meats company feel that the thinkers who watch Jeopardy! are the only ones who can truly appreciate Mama Lucia. Or maybe an intense round of trivia tends to make people really want a meatball sandwich. I can't say for sure, but it seems to me that people who don't watch Jeopardy! should get to see this, too. Well, I guess the Wheel of Fortune crowd gets to see it, too, but still, that's only two shows. Come on, Quaker Maid, step up. I want to see Mama Lucia everywhere.